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Wedding: The really expensive party taking place relatively 5-10 years before your divorce.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.