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When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”