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I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
I try not to limit my madness to March.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.