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If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Iām not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t