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Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
I had your cake and ate it too.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.