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Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.