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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".