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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Please do not read this.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.