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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.