Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A wise man once said nothing.
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.