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Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?