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How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.