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Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.