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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
My life coach just benched me.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
I play hard to get along with.