Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.