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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
It`s amazing the things I can remember when I don`t need to remember anything.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
Iām totally fine with favoritism as long as Iām the favorite.
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.