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It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal