Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.