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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
You said you wanted my advice, but I see you haven’t f*cked off or died yet.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.