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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.