Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!