Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.