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Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
People: What a bunch of bastards!
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.