Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.