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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.