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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...