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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.