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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn`t attend.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.