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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
Have you noticed that tire stores never hang big banners that say "Blowout Sale"?
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.