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SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don`t have to be nice anymore.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.