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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles