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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords