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It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.