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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.