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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?