Daily Silly Status

Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.

One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.

I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”

One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.

If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.

I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!

I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree

If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?

yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"

I look so young for my rage.

It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up

50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans

I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.

Remember before we met? I miss those days.

My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.