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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.