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If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.