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I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!