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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
A leaf blower, but for people.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.