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Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.