Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.