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Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like Iād be pretty good at that.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.