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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch