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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.