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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
Carfax but for people
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
I dream about naps.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.