Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
I drink coffee for your protection.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.