Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
I laugh in the face of normal.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.