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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.