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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.