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Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?