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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
Hillybilly Word Of The Day.."Twerk"..."Welp, I`m done with lunch so I`d better get back twerk!"
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Would an obsession with the imperial measurement system be considered a foot fetish?
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.