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can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
Youth is wasted on the young.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.