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I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!