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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Iām tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Ghetto word of the day: "Bishop", My girlfriend fell down, So I picked that bishop.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.