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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
It´s never to late to be happy
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.