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I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight