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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."