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The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.