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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There may be no excuse for laziness, but Iām still looking.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it`s like...I don`t care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
Last person to like this wins a prize.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.