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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
I just made you think of an elephant
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.