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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.