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Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.