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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
My mom says I`m special.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.