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I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.